One of the core goals of crisis counseling services is to support emotional de-escalation of the individual in crisis, by reducing intense negative emotional affect and emotional dysregulation. The science of crisis intervention has been impeded, however, by a lack of quantitative approaches that allow for detailed analysis of emotion in crisis conversations. In order to measure de-escalation at scale (millions of text-based conversations), lightweight models are needed that can assign not just binary sentiment predictions but quantitative scores to capture graded change in emotional valence. Accordingly, we developed a transformer-based emotional valence scoring model fit for crisis conversations, BERT-EV, that assigns numerical emotional valence scores to rate the intensity of expressed negative versus positive emotion. This transformer-based model can run on modest hardware configurations, allowing it to scale affordably and efficiently to a massive corpus of crisis conversations. We evaluated model performance on a corpus of hand-scored social media messages, and found that BERT-EV outperforms existing dictionary-based standard tools in the field, as well as other transformer-based implementations and an LLM in accurately matching scores from human annotators. Finally, we show that trends in these emotional valence scores can be used to assess emotional de-escalation during crisis conversations, with sufficient turn-by-turn granularity to help identify helpful vs. detrimental crisis counselor statements.